A little something for myself

So it’s late at night again, and I’ve just spent some time catching up on some fellow LJ’ers lives and dropping my own comments.

One person in particular had written something that drove me to a little self reflection and inner thought.

Did I think I’d be where I am today ten years ago?
Did I have any clue of the events of my life that unfolded in the wacky, haphazard manner that they did?
Did I know anything about what the future is capable of developing into?

I say nay.

Life can change so much in such a rapid time, that sometimes I feel the need to tell myself, “Slow down. It’ll all be OK.” And it usually does turn out OK. I may not see it so soon, I might not know it until much later, but for some strange reason, I know that regardless if there is fate or not, regardless if there is a God, regardless of the imbalance of the universe from the point of view of a slice of fairy cake, things have a good chance of turning out pretty well.

Some would call me an optimist. Others – clueless. Yet more would classify me as a “true believer” – belief in what, who’s to say – but I don’t really think so.
I guess I see myself as a realist most of the time, with both optimistic and pessimistic tendencies. Does that balance out? I don’t know, and I’ve yet to find a shrink that will admit to having met a “balanced” person. Some see me as gruff, coarse, hell, I call myself a redneck some of the time. Others have called me “sweet” (ugh) and “a nice person”. Yet there are those who will forever remember me as “that bastard” and “evil”, and one guy knows me as “the guy who broke my ribs”, and even one guy as “the guy who nearly killed me”. Ask me sometime over a beer or tequila.
How people see is me not my concern – that’s theirs. How I see myself is more important, and even more than that – what I do about it, and how does it affect me.

The fact remains that I, and only I, live my life. Nobody ever handed me a manual or even a decent guidebook, so I’m doing what I can. Living other people’s lives doesn’t work, and I don’t care who you ask – you end up living your own life. Deal with it. Accept it. Make it your own.

Thank you for the inspiration.