*** News Flash ***

Incoming transmission! Hot news!!
My sister called, and she just had spent the weekend with my parents (groan!). The folks actually called me on Friday to ask whether I would be joining, which I obviously declined.
Anyways, my mother, being the nosey busy-body that she is, tries to pump my sister for information about her siblings that she doesn’t get directly from the others. This is a common practice for my mother, who rightfully believes that we don’t tell her things. This is mainly to prevent the ensuing uproar over the issue at hand, regardless if it is: getting married/washing a shirt/eating properly. These are all of the same magnitude with her.
In any case, my mother asks my sister:
“Do you think Mike is gay?”


Now, my sister, who I talk to now and then, knows the answer, and replies with: “Why do you think he is?” for no other reason, if only to hear the reasoinging behind this assumption.
My mother, bless her heart, replies: “Well, he only hangs out with guys, and he doesn’t have any female friends, and I never hear about him dating anyone, AND the guys he does hang out with, he met at the theater, i.e other actors, and you know what they are like. [insert a knowing wink, nose tapping, or whatever symbol for an obvious insinuation]
Well, funnily enough, when I was about 15-16, Mom said “Michael, don’t you go fooling around with girls…” so I guess now I’ve showed HER!
Fooling around with boys is oh so much better, Mom!
PSA: I am not gay. For those who would cast aspersions, or for those who are just confused.
Anyways, I got a big laugh out of the whole thing, and now am trying to think of ways to use the knowledge to my advantage, as finally I am in a position to strike for my revenge, which is long overdue. Any ideas?

  • joshbrown

    Gee, but that’s a surprise to all of us as well. I mean, we all just assumed that you are gay. I mean, I don’t like to go by stereotypes, but look at all the classical homosexual behavior you display. And then there’s that series of young boys who you are constantly inviting over to stay the night in your bed. And the fact that you are constantly hanging out at Turkish baths. And your subscription to Playgirl magazine. I mean, how can you blame us for assuming?

    By the way, anyone who assumes that I am being serious here deserves to be taken out and shot. First of all, you should know me well enough that if Mike posts something like this, it was just too hard for me not to make fun of him. And secondly, I know some of the girls he has gone out with. That’s a separate nightmare we won’t go into at this time.

  • kahnman

    Yo Mike, how about waltzing into your mother’s home, a hand around Josh’s shoulder, saying “Hi Mom, this is my friend Josh, but he prefers to be called Shirley” or something like that, because after all, we all know Josh is gay right Josh :-p

    Payback in MINE!

  • joshbrown

    Watch it, Shmuel – there are a few things that went on in that apartment in Petach Tikva that I am sure you don’t want Anat to ever find out about. Let me just say there was a reason I kept my door locked at night.
    And I never did find out what happened to that puppy…

  • miketheman

    … I think we all want to hear, don’t we Shirley?

  • joshbrown

    I plead the fifth. Shmuel, I will let YOU answer this one.

  • joshbrown

    And please don’t call me Shirley.

  • kahnman

    Shirley you must be kidding…
    It was a penthouse (with a pool-table on the roof, PARTY!), so Shirley knew exactly what he was getting into.Shirley slept with his door closed, because if he didn’t no one else could sleep. Make of this what you may…The other official flat-mate (Shirley being the official permanent gate-crasher house-guest) – Yehudah (not , but with an Alef) who was so DUH stick-in-the-mud, that he makes the perfect character witness. So I’m in the clear, pure as the driven snow, I tell you!You should have seen the wicked glee, as we danced around the large bonfire, that we made on the roof! The poor neighbors were scarred for life.Need I say any more…?

  • miketheman

    SHIRLEY!

  • joshbrown

    You never said what happened to the puppy, though…

  • kmelion

    well, you hang out with me….

    ‘Course, you could show up one friday night with Becker on your arm…

  • miketheman

    … work, but he might get too caught up in the act, I mean, after all, we’re ACTORS.
    Realism isn’t our strong point.